Haven (background)

My album Haven encompasses a part of my story. Most of the songs on the album were written several years ago, but Haven has taken about three years to put together. I just wasn't ready to share those spaces of my heart yet. All of these songs were given to me as a way to express what was happening inside during a time when I didn't know how to comprehend what was going on. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(OCD) at the age of eleven. OCD is not an adjective, it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to have everything in a certain order or be super organized. It is actually more like my brain has alarm bells going off all the time as it causes me to have intrusive thoughts and overthink every occurrence during a normal day. It can be all consuming. Having OCD dictated everything about me for quite a while, it changed me. It caused me to question everything that I had known to be true about the world, myself, and God. Things as simple as eating, washing my hands, and hanging out with family members became extremely hard for me because my thoughts took over. I became afraid of so many things. This caused me to distance myself from others because I didn't want them to feel how I was feeling. There was a time in which I couldn't sing at all because of the turmoil that was raging within me. My life felt empty while at the same time it felt so full of chaos and struggle. I lost sleep. I couldn't finish my schoolwork. Then I started sitting at the piano and plucking out songs that I knew. It was a way for me to escape my mind and take a rest from fighting so many battles. Soon, playing songs I knew morphed into writing my own music. The first song I put lyrics to was Songbird. That's how the process of composing has been for me: I write the music and then I write the words later.

This album is my story. You can hear me searching for the faith that I thought I'd lost, but was never gone. It is the story of how the Lord has begun a healing process in me where I am not running from my past nor crushed by my present. Haven is a testament to God's faithfulness and loving mercy. By the grace of God, I have been able to reground myself in my firm foundation and have been given a hope in Christ which cannot be shaken. He has preserved me, provided for me and carried me through the hardest days and nights and granted me a Haven.

With love,

Eliana

If you are having overwhelming thoughts of any kind, please reach out to a friend or family member or your doctor and find a counselor. One thing that has helped me most is realizing that I do not have to do these things by myself. You are not alone.